Listening to Lead

As leaders, we are constantly communicating…with our employees or supervisors, friends or family … the list goes on!

But are we truly listening? 

There are so many demands for our attention –  be it thoughts/ideas/voices inside or all the people and environmental happenings on the outside.

It’s no surprise that Robert Greenleaf asked the question, “Why is there so little listening?”

Servant-leaders listen!

In our May 2023 Servant Leadership Community of Practice, we discussed these questions & tapped into the practice of deep listening as a means of weaving together relationships, understanding, and servant leadership.

Vicki Wuolle, CSA, Sister of St. Agnes and Co-Creator of Thresholds Facilitating, Coaching & Consulting was our learning facilitator.

“Listen, listen this wonderful sound brings me back to my true self.” -Thich Nhat Hanh

Try this personal reflection activity:

Take a moment to reflect on how well you listen. In that moment, be quiet, release a couple of deep breaths, and listen. Ask yourself these questions:

• What gets in the way of truly listening?
• What needs to be present to listen?
• What are some of the values I hold about listening to others?

Spend some time journaling about it, or find a trusted friend or colleague to share with.

In Sophia’s Community of Practice, the attendees shared their answers to the last question, “What are some of the values we have for listening to others?”:

• Understanding
• Heart-centered
• Trust
• Curiosity
• Compassion
• Patience

Did you list any other values or behaviors? What do we learn about listening from this exercise?

How to listen more deeply in your leadership & life:

To guide our conversation, Vicki shared with us the 3 steps of discipline for deep listening.

Self-focused Listening

1. What’s going on within me?
2. Recognize the difficulty to stop and listen in our busy lives.
3. Our bodies desire time for quiet reflection.

Other-focused Listening

1. What’s going on with the other person?
2. Place your attention on the other and be fully present.
3. Notice nonverbal cues in others.

Transformation-focused Listening

1. What’s going on in the environment around me?
2. Navigate the environment (i.e. hurried, calm, tension, etc.)
3. Integrate self- and other-focused listening to your reality.

As leaders, we can do all three of these practices at once or separately. It’s a balancing act!

Common challenges to better listening as leaders:

Challenge #1: Listening involves one thing that people are afraid of………………………SILENCE.

Silence can be uncomfortable or awkward.

But silence actually slows down the tempo of a conversation which allows room for you and others to think clearly. In that space of quiet, there can be an attunement that changes in the body, voice, or body language.

When we recognize silence is okay (& at certain times, absolutely necessary) we can grow as leaders to better communicate with others!

What are some practical ways to help people be comfortable in the silence?

• While in conversation and practicing silence, take a couple deep breaths and count to 10 silently to create a pause and hold space for silence.
• Sit with the silence like a playful game.
• Be bold – don’t let your nervousness or shyness get in the way.

Next time you’re having a conversation with someone – coworker, friend, family member –  practice how you listen! Don’t use the space for your own agenda or attempt to solve their problem. Sometimes silence can offer a better solution or support.

Challenge #2: Seeing opportunities to respond/solve vs. be present.

Be present with others by giving them your full attention. Afterwards, it can be really supportive to follow-up with them by asking questions like this:

• Can you tell me more about that?
• What did you mean by (fill in the blank)?
• What you said before, can we go back to that for a moment? (then share what resonated with you)
• What are ways I can support you?

To wrap-up our Community of Practice, Vicki shared additional takeaways on presence, listening and leadership – specifically 3 ways to follow-up after listening more deeply.

Clarify

1. Ask questions before you say what you think you know or make assumptions.
2. Could you tell me what that means to you?
3. What do you need from me at this point?

Reflect

1. How do we take the information we received and use it?
2. Reflect IN the moment AND afterwards.
3. Ask more open-ended questions.

Distill

1. After the conversation, don’t make rash decisions. 
2. Take the time YOU need to process.
3. Your timeline will be different from others.

Listening is a quality of servant leadership!

Therefore, we as leaders, need to practice our listening skills and discipline ourselves to be fully present in our conversations with others. Listen to lead!

How can you apply deep listening to servant leadership?

Here is what attendees shared with us. What would you add?

• Slow down to speed up.
• Be intentional about listening.
• Listen to what I share with others then distill and implement it for myself.
• Come to the table with a mindset of mutuality.
• Have compassionate inquiries and use my experiences for clarity.
• Listening isn’t a sign of weakness or of being an introvert, it can actually be a strength.
• Engage my practice of silence with others – at home, in the workplace, everywhere.
• Ask more questions – not just “How are you doing?” but “How are you REALLY doing?”
• Start and end the day with quiet reflection.

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What have you learned from this blog? Contact us and let us know!

Don’t miss your opportunity to join our next conversation! Community Practice sessions are amazing opportunities for any and all leaders to gather and learn from one another in a supportive, comfortable environment, right from your computer. June’s Community of Practice topic will be “Lessons Learned from Working with Servant-led Organizations.”

Additional Resources:

1. The Creative Act: A Way of Being – Rick Ruban
2. Rachel Naomi Remen – Helping, Fixing or Serving?

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This blog post wraps up May 2023’s Community of Practice event. To join us during the live discussion for future months, register at https://www.sophiapartners.org/events/. Community of Practice occurs the fourth Tuesday of each month from 11:30 a.m.-12:30 p.m. CT.