A forgiveness mindset is a necessary factor for servant leadership. 

It’s only when we genuinely allow ourselves the room to totally mess up, and forgive ourselves when we do and others when they do, that we can truly embrace the type of mindset that fosters servant leadership and the ability for self and others to grow. 

At our June 2024 Servant Leadership Community of Practice, Christa Williams led us in a discussion of the connection between servant leadership and forgiveness, providing support on: 

• How to forgive others
• How to forgive self
• How to ask for forgiveness
• How to forgive in the workplace

Personal Leadership Questions

To start this forgiveness exploration, take a look at the following questions for yourself and what you believe about leadership:

• Is forgiveness essential for leading?
• Is there someone you need to forgive or need to ask for forgiveness?
• Is there something you are holding onto that you have not forgiven yourself for?  
• What gets in the way of forgiving?

Defining Forgiveness

What is forgiveness? A quick Google search provides a few examples:

• To pardon
• To stop feeling angry or resentful
• To no longer wish punishment on someone who has wronged or angered you

Forgiveness is the act of forgiving someone who has done something wrong. 

It’s not about forgetting or excusing the wrongdoing, but about releasing feelings of anger and resentment so that you’re no longer consumed by bitterness and anger.

Easier said than done!

Forgiveness is the process of letting go of negative emotions, thoughts, and behaviors toward someone who has harmed or offended us. It does not mean condoning, excusing, or forgetting the wrongdoing – it is choosing to move on and heal the relationship. 

It is vital to our health and well-being that we find ways to forgive.

How to Forgive Others

Forgiving others is not always easy, especially when the harm is severe or repeated. However, the following steps may help servant leaders practice forgiveness. 

1. Understand the person’s true intentions.
2. Keep in mind that for the most part, people are good at heart.
3. Think about all the good things that person does.
4. Have a sincere conversation with the person.
5. Remember to have compassion for yourself as well.

“One cannot heal a situation at the same level it was created.” – Deborah Welch

Albert Einstein had a similar thought: “We cannot solve our problems with the same thinking we used when we created them.” When we’re able to forgive mistakes and allow people to have a second chance, we enable them to perform better and do better.

So how do we get to a deeper level of care and compassion? Dr. Deborah Welch, in her book, Forgiveness at Work, gives us four steps:

Prepare the Way for Forgiveness

1. Find calm
2. Explore practices to open mind and heart

Start with Self

1. Identify specific behaviors
2. “What am I doing or not doing that is contributing to the problem?”
3. Am I accurate?

Be Willing

1. Letting go
2. Personal practices/habits

Defining Moments

1. Where has it worked
2. Gratitude

The goal is to get back on track more quickly, forgive more often, and to lessen the damage we do to ourselves.

How to Forgive Self

Have you ever, out loud or in your head said, “I just can’t forgive myself for messing up.” 

Maybe in the previous quarter you made a mistake that caused the team to miss targets by a significant amount and this story has been on repeat in your head ever since. Every time you see your manager you think all she sees is the mistake and you find it hard to move past it and forgive yourself. 

We can never right a wrong by replaying it in our head. What’s done is done. 

Perhaps a better question then is, “How do I forgive myself and learn the lesson?” 

Countless studies show that the more happy, positive, and confident we feel within ourselves the more productive and successful we are. Guilt closes us down, forgiveness opens us up. 

Forgiveness is what wipes the slate clean and allows us to move on. It’s a necessary tool that must be put into practice within ourselves, especially as leaders and managers growing both our teams and our influence on others. 

Practicing forgiveness for yourself will allow you to be the best team member, friend, sibling, parent, spouse, and leader possible.

How to Ask for Forgiveness:

Sometimes, servant leaders may be the ones who need to ask for forgiveness from others. We should do this with sincerity and accountability. Here’s some guidance on how to ask for forgiveness:

• Admit your mistake and take responsibility for your actions and any consequences.
• Apologize with sincere regret and remorse.
• Explain without excuses or blaming.
• Ask for forgiveness to help restore the relationship.
• Propose a plan to correct and prevent future mistakes.
• Show gratitude and appreciation.
• Practice self-care and forgiveness.

Brené Brown’s research shows that the only way to true courage is through vulnerability. And there’s nothing more humbling and vulnerable than asking for forgiveness.

If you’ve messed up, accept it, get humble, and ask for forgiveness from those it’s affected.

Watch this video on why we need to grieve so we can forgive.

• Have you ever forgiven others, yourself or asked for forgiveness? 
• What did you learn by forgiving?

Forgiveness in the Workplace

Many of us practice forgiveness at work more than we think.

• Forgiveness is not turning a blind eye.

When a team member makes some errors on a shareholder report, and you highlight it with them for future reference, work through potential improvements, and then go on with your work without any hard feelings, you are exercising forgiveness.

But what if you saw the errors, didn’t confront a team member, and instead fixed the mistakes yourself, because you tell yourself it’ll be quicker and easier that way? Chances are high that those mistakes will continue to be made! By not addressing the issue when it first happened, you were not practicing forgiveness and robbed them of a chance to learn from their mistake.

Forgiveness is letting the people you work with know that something has gone awry. Then, have the conversation on what could be the best way forward, so that your engagement, happiness, and quality of life at work aren’t impacted negatively.

• Forgiveness doesn’t mean actions don’t have consequences.

If something goes wrong with a coworker, address the problem explicitly, instead of letting it bubble below the surface. Get to clarity and a resolution even though there may be consequences. And then move on.

You either forgive someone or you resent them. One of these two options drains your energy, fills you with negativity, hurts you more than it hurts them, takes a lot of headspace, and triggers pain and dissatisfaction – and it’s not the former.

“Servant leadership always empathizes, always accepts the person, but sometimes refuses to accept some of the person’s effort or performance as good enough.” ~ Robert K Greenleaf

What is possible if we practice forgiveness?

• More joy
• Build trust
• Productive lives
• Positive mindset

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What have you learned from this blog? Let us know!

Don’t miss your opportunity to join our next conversation! Community of Practice sessions are amazing opportunities for any and all leaders to gather and learn from one another in a supportive, comfortable environment, right from your computer. July’s topic is “Leading by Building Community.”

Additional Resources:

1. Forgiveness at Work – Deborah Welch
2. The Ultimate Act of Love – Brené Brown
3. Servant Leadership, Forgiveness and Social Justice – Shann R. Ferch
4. No Future Without Forgiveness – Desmond Tutu
5. The Book of Joy – Dalai Lama & Desmond Tutu

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This blog post wraps up June 2024’s Community of Practice conversation. To join us during the live discussion for future months, register at https://www.sophiapartners.org/events/. This program occurs the fourth Tuesday of each month from 11:30 a.m.-12:30 p.m. CT via Zoom.